toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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