would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
