don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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