dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
