I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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