our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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