apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
