So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was born a porn star she said
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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