chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
