she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
