I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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