would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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