i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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