I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize