i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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