exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
