1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
