when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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