Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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