We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
