Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
