Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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