What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
