So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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