He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
