I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
