Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
