Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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