If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
