I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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