hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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