We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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