don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
