Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
