dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
