her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
