i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
