oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she pinky promised me she was 18
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
