the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
