I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
