Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
