I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
