You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
