1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
