Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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