I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
