All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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