Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
high people should be assigned attendants
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
