Me. At least after what I've been through.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
