woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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