did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
