A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize