I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize