hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
