Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
