How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
