No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
