:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
