you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
