your thong is hanging out like whoa
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have fence marks all over my body
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
