just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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