Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
