how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
