I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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