This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
