Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
