this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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